The most f’d up word ever.

The most f’ed up word ever is should.


No matter how you use it - should immediately says: You (or I) did something wrong.

That feeling for most people brings them right back to childhood when a slap on the hand from a worshipped parent or parental figure was crushing.

You should know better.

I have seen grown men almost burst into tears after breaking a glass or a plate in my home. They instantly go into a diatribe of shoulds.

I shouldn’t have tried to carry both glasses.

Should almost always asserts shame which is then triggered by programming and patterns from childhood.

I should be more careful.

“It is just a thing, we can get a new one” I usually say, followed by “I am sure that was not your intention.” The response is usually relief and a look like: Why aren’t you mad at me?

Especially Leo's! Never ever tell a Leo, should. The primary emotion for Leo’s is pride. Instead compliment what they did do and ask what they think of also doing the thing they could have done. In general replacing should with could or consider is a good substitution. However if your attitude is still should and you say could, they will still hear the should.

Should puts you in a box. The box contains only a right and a wrong option but more importantly should is a judgement.

I should go back to my exercise routine

You should know better

I shouldn't have said that

Shoulda Coulda Woulda

The way I see it, could is a big fat opportunity to step back and set a new intention.

It is also an opportunity to make things right with yourself by assuring your plan has legs. Get specific with your intention.

Choosing Exercise

When you hear the SHOULD word, allow it to trigger you to immediately ask yourself:

  1. What is my intention?

  2. Then replay your words.

Replay the scenario with new language utilizing words like:

I get to...

I choose to...

I want to...

I intend to...

There is an opportunity to...

She could...

He might want to consider...

Utilize could as an opportunity to flip your self judgement and programming. Let me know how it feels.